Spurned Gifts: When Knit & Crochet Gifts Went Wrong

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1. 

   Karen Huber April 1, 2023

   Had this happen with other types of gifts, also. Oh well, No more gifts from me and go find yourself a new friend, acquaintance, family. Life is too short to deal with self satisfied, spoiled, unappreciative, materialistic people.

2. 

   Claudia Lischke-Arzt February 20, 2023

   To be honest, I’ve been at both sides of this game. My granny was crafter for all of her life and she provided me with handcrafted as long as I can remember. Unfortunatly she wasn’t really interested in my taste and my mom forced me to wear all the garnments my granny came up with. When I was a child it somehow felt pointless to me to argue but as a teenager I started to fight for my own style and in some cases for my dignity. One day during my teenage days she gave me a cardy she had knitted. It was white, in a complete boxy shape down over the hips with sleeves one had to roll up und made from a boucle-yarn. As a knitter I could see how much time and energy she must have spent to knit it. But in the 80th this was a style for an elderly lady but definitly not for a teenage girl. You can’t imagine the fight we had. At the end of the day my Mom took it (and loved it!) and she really looked great in it.
   About ten years later I’ve knitted a cardy for my Mom. I’d learned from that boucle-cardy episode that it’s always better to ask the other person for the prefered style and size and I even double checked with fotos and samples from the chosen yarn. But my Mom had told me the wrong size and the cardy ended up too big for her. We realized that when the cardy was finished. I safed it from becoming a complete desaster by changing the shoulders and using shoulder pads but it was still a roomy cardy. My Mom judged that it was good enough to wear it in the house what in her language meant: Too bad to to show it in public. She said that in order to comfort me but actually it really broke my heart.
   What I’ve learned from that? I’ve understood that my knitting projects are some kind of part of myself. If somebody doesn’t tread them well, he/she doesn’t treat me well. Therefore I only knit for people who appreciate the work and the love I put in the garnments as much as I do.

3. 

   Susan Mcintyre January 10, 2023

   Silly me to think I was the only one that this has happened to. I only make for myself now because I have made the mistake of thinking that my tastes are someone else’s. I don’t have time to waste on things that will be discarded or never worn. I made what I thought was an age appropriate pull over for a family member’s birthday in her favorite color. My neighbor saw it several times while I was crocheting it and remarked how much she liked it. Never heard a thing about it from the relative. I wish I had just given it to my neighbor that would have appreciated it a lot more. Thanks for this article it made me feel a lot better about my decision to not make things for anyone other than me or my husband.

4. 

   zbeewmn January 4, 2023

   Charlene P— great solution! If they don’t want it they can leave it on the table. An idea would be to have the other makers in the group bring their items and maybe do a swap. Those who don’t make things can exchange items like (new) garden seeds, books , or whatever, unless this could turn into a mini swap meet!

5. 

   kmurray185 December 29, 2022

   I made hats for everyone in the family one year. Never worn; no thank yous. First and last time I did that. They can live without my hand knits. I continue to knit a lot – I keep what I make for myself now mostly. I do give socks to people on occasion.

6. 

   midlsis December 29, 2022

   In great anticipation of my first great grandchild–a girl–I went to work creating a homecoming outfit. A hand stitched, hand embroidered, hand quilted kimono jacket & matching bonnet with 45×45 blanket to go along with hand knitted booties, beanie, sweater, crib blanket and a sleep sack as a homecoming from the hospital gift for the baby. I gave the gift to my daughter-in-law to deliver to her son and his wife 6 weeks before their due date. Heard nary a word from any of them. Watched Facebook and emails for a photo. Just pics of crocheted blankets and beanies (sorry, reminded me of toilet tissue covers from the 70s). Two months in, I asked my dil how they liked my gift. She replied, “She [the wife] hates pink.” That’s it. Never saw my gift in use. Another baby is due this spring. Nope. I now create only for those who appreciate the materials, skill, and time lovingly creating handmade gifts.

   

7. 

   Conjetta Condra December 29, 2022

   My niece was expecting her first child. I received the info from my sister who asked that I not say anything because my niece wanted to “tell me herself.” I wanted–and waited–and waited. Finally, I received a shower invitation from my sister-in-law. I called to say that I could not attend because of the distance–they are in KC, I am in Phoenix. I then crocheted a baby blanket for my niece. I know she received it because I mailed it to my sister-in-law. I never received a birth announcement or any acknowledgement of the gift. I guess I should have expected nothing else since my niece is and always has thought she was entitled. Still, it was hurtful and I have not sent anything in the two years since the child was born. I expect that she will grow up feeling as entitled as her mother, and I do not continue to reward bad behavior.

8. 

   Kristie Doser December 28, 2022

   Sue M. –
   I haven’t read everything yet, yours was the first and I wanted to reply immediately! I am the Executive Director of a domestic violence program in Iowa. We have knitting, crochet and quilting groups that donate to our program and I can’t say enough about how much our families appreciate all the love and care you put forth with your handknit donations. Some of the mom’s that come to us are crafters, so they marvel at the details and care. Other family members are just awestruck that someone cares that much to put forth such loving time and items.

   As a knitter myself, I understand how the heart and gracious nature of the crafters that support our families. I have run a few knitting groups in our shelter to teach adults and kids – and their appreciation grows even larger as they learn to craft for themselves and their loved ones.

   Thank you for your kind heart!
   Kristie Fortmann-Doser

9. 

   Stephanie Lundquist December 28, 2022

   A few years ago I made really cute but tedious knitted gnomes for all the ladies in my family, including my elderly mother. Each one took quite a bit of time and effort. A few months later, I was visiting my parents’ apartment, and I discovered the little gnome on the floor next to the cat’s dishes, chewed up and stuffing askew. They had given it to her for a chew toy. I did laugh about it (not with them), but I do not knit for them anymore. In all fairness, my mother has dementia, but my dad should have known better!

10. 

    Mary Miller December 28, 2022

    I have some advice on how to deal, so presents are apreciated. I do this with most things I gift, I ask the person if they like a pattern I found and what colors they would like it in if they do, Even with my grandchildren, If they say they want a poncho or sweater to wear, I gather pattern pics and show them, saves a lot of wasted time and energy. And I must say they really like their gifts, A dress made for one has been worn to death over the past year and I was asked to make another, music to a grandma and crocheters ears. Just because you like it doesn’t mean they will and my grandaughter outgrew her pink phase and we are into turquoise now, so show yarn samples too. The softest and prettiest always seen to go first. Have fun starting on your next gift, they will love.

11. 

    Donald Paddock December 28, 2022

    The response to my hand spun, hand knit gifts has been overwhelmingly positive. My daughter-in-law loves anything I knit for her. Hats, scarves, mittens-she loves them all. I knitted a 30×60 blanket from my hand spun Shetland fiber for her for Christmas 2022 and she was thrilled by it. When she travels she shows off her wares and it usually results in orders for hats and or scarves.
    My mother was known as the “Mitten Lady’ as her children and grandchildren always had hand knit mittens to keep their hands warm. I continued the tradition by sending un-felted mittens to nieces and nephews. They had fun felting them and appreciated the finished products.
    A friend of my wife received her second pair of felted slippers because sho wore out the soles of the first pair. This time she also received instructions on coating the soles along with her instructions for felting.
    Spinning, knitting, and even washing and combing wool fibers keeps me occupied in my retirement years. Seeing the looks of gratification on the recipients of my finished products makes it all very worthwhile.

12. 

    Carol Fitzhugh December 28, 2022

    A few years ago, I made a fairly complex lace shawl in a cotton crochet thread for my sister, who lives in the desert. To my chagrin, she cut it up and made a pillow cover from it. The next year she got dishcloths! Never again anything that takes more than a few hours to complete.

13. 

    charlene perry December 28, 2022

    This Christmas our whole family spent the holiday together. I had just written the above comment.
    To my surprise I see my 6 yr old grand daughter show up wearing a most wonderful looking hand knit vest. The colors were so great together. I loved it. Mostly because a few years ago I had knit this for her older brother. So I guess I’m trying to say “ keep finding those beautiful fibers and interesting patterns folks. Keep your hands and mind busy with enjoyment.”

14. 

    Jill rao December 28, 2022

    The best advice I have is to let the receiver choose the yarn and design of your planned gift. My biggest problem lies with the fact they don’t know how to care for beautiful handcrafted items, even when provided with instructions. Worst is when presented with your work after a turn in the washing machine and dryer and a request to fix it!

15. 

    Katie Swanson December 27, 2022

    I think it’s important to remember that everyone’s tastes are different, especially when it comes to clothing items. I just read an article in the Washington Post about how Gen Z’s fashion is so wildly different than previous generations (I’m an ‘elder millennial’, for reference). For example, I stick to a more minimalist style, and don’t wear sweaters, but have friends my age whose style is the exact opposite.

    I’ve been on both the giving and receiving end of handmade presents that just didn’t hit the mark. My gift-giving philosophy is that a gift is not an obligation, and the recipient is entitled to do whatever they want with it, including give it away. The fun is in making the item, anyway!

    If I’m going to crochet a gift for someone, I usually clear the pattern, yarn (for allergies or sensory issues), and colors with them first before I even start. Or I stick with smaller items like plushies and scarves, and don’t get hung up on whether they love it or not.

    What I definitely won’t do is judge someone for not having the same tastes as I do. I’ll just recalibrate and see if I can find something they do like next time.

16. 

    Coralie Cross December 23, 2022

    My niece was expecting a baby girl, and I was specifically asked to make something for her. I crocheted a newborn’s dress, spa set for Mom and a beaded bodice for the young step-daughter, along with different colors of Tulle for her to add her own skirt, since the step-daughter loved crafts and princess costumes.

    Newborn dress was never used; Spa Set was received as a set of burp rags, but too holey for use as such, and the beaded bodice was sent to Goodwill. Don’t know what happened to the Tulle.

    Needless to say, I no longer waste my time on niece or her family.

    

    1. 

       Mary Miller December 28, 2022

       Why I ask for specifics and show patterns, they choose and can pick the colors, no if I want a surprice I may do extra booties in their colors, as an extra but they get things they want and will use. I also send a note, telling what things are, just because we see it doesn’t mean everyone will. Like I do the pot lid knob covers that look like doll hats, they had no Idea, so I add in I saw this idea in a magazine the doll hat sets over the knob on your pot lid so it isn’t hot to the touch, so you don’t get burned, just a thought.