Oscars Smackdown, For Mom

Dear Mom,

As promised, I watched the Oscars last night with an eye on picking out absurd fashion choices so we could compare snark notes over the phone. I was glued to the toob, but I also ate some yummy Thai food and spent a while crocheting. So it's possible I missed some visuals. But I doubt it.

I'm disappointed to report that I have pretty much nothing to say. This was a year devoid of credit card dresses, gratuitous boobage, ass bows, and senseless glitz. Aside from Charlize Theron's weird shoulder poof (man, her ear must have been tickled maddeningly), I loved almost everything. Floor-sweeping, graceful dresses in subtle colours. I loved Amy Adams's chocolate brown gown (and I think she should have won an Oscar). I loved the pale dresses that left most interest up to the texture and the person wearing them. Maybe Canada has mellowed me, but I really have only nice things to say.

And yes, I was giddy that my man, Philip Seymour Hoffman won. I knew he would. Big surprise that Crash won, no? I didn't think it was more worthy than Brokeback Mountain, but I'm not disappointed. I think Jake Gyllenhaal deserved to win, though. And not just because he was so hot leaning against his truck like he did in the movie, either. And I continue to think Maria Bello was robbed when she wasn't nominated for her performance in A History of Violence. But it's time to let that go.

So, just know it's not that I don't love you. I just couldn't find any absurdities to sink my teeth into. Maybe next year.


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