This Will Not Help You Achieve a Perfect Fit

It Itches

 

Note from Sandi: I'm here to introduce today's guest poster, Franklin Habit. Franklin's a knitter, a blogger, an author, a photographer, and oh yes–a cartoonist. No, wait. Don't look at me like that. We're not talking smart-mouthed penguins and cats living in lasagna pans here; we're talking knitting cartoons. Yeah, baby. Cartoons about us, and our yarn stashes, and our little pointy sticks. Good stuff.

 

We at Interweave are very proud to bring you Franklin's very first book of cartoons: It Itches: A Stash of Knitting Cartoons

Yarn lovers everywhere, allow me to present…Franklin Habit!


This Will Not Help You Achieve a Perfect Fit by Franklin Habit

 
I suppose I had better confess immediately that nothing I am going to say will teach you how to achieve a perfect fit in your next sweater.

I know precious little about the subject. And I’ve never been able to make head or tail of articles that promise to reveal the exciting tips and tricks of master fitters. Perhaps it’s because they almost invariably begin by asking very personal questions about the size of one’s bust. No drinks first, no dinner. Seldom even a friendly greeting. Barely in the door and suddenly they’re poking around in your bra. Terribly impolite, if you ask me; but of course, I was brought up differently.

Also, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m a man. As such, I cannot properly be said to have a bust at all. So when I’m asked to measure mine, I feel it betrays a callous inattention on the part of the questioner. This gets my dander up, and sets me writing angry letters to editors. But before I can finish I’m invariably distracted by a loud noise in the next apartment, or the memory of a chocolate cake in the fridge. So I wander off, and forget all about it, and then where am I when it comes to knowing about proper fit?

In the kitchen eating chocolate cake, that’s where. Not so bad, I admit, but it means I have nothing to say about sweater fittage. If you’ve read all this way and find that disappointing, please remember that I tried to warn you, right up at the top. You have nobody to blame but yourself.

I knit a lot of stuff that doesn’t have to fit. Like shawls. And baby clothes. Heck, you can throw just about anything on a baby and he’ll never complain. I have a photo of myself as a toddler to prove it. See?

My mother didn’t knit much, but she knew how to sew, which can be just as dangerous.  In her defense, it was the early 1970s and our state had not yet enacted legislation making it a felony to dress a child like Sonny Bono.

When your mother dresses you funny, you have to develop a sense of humor pretty quick. I guess that’s how I wound up writing a book for Interweave Press. I don’t know anything about how sweaters fit, so normally they wouldn’t even let me past the reception desk.

But somebody thought something I wrote a long time ago about getting stuck in a sweater I was making was funny. And then there were some calls and e-mails, and now there’s a book. It won’t teach you anything about making sweaters, but it might help you care a little less if you get stuck in one.

Doing a book of knitting cartoons wasn’t dreadfully difficult because I like to draw yarn and yarn is inherently funny.  Look at this.

Is that hysterical, or what? No? Look again.

I told you so.

But sometimes finishing a whole cartoon is a pain because you have to do two things: draw funny and write funny. And there are days, like today, when I don’t want to do both.

So I drew something funny, but I’m leaving it up to you to write something funny.

Here’s the drawing.

I don’t know what the caption ought to be. You figure it out.

In fact, let’s make it a contest and give prizes. (It’s okay, I asked Interweave first and they’re cool.)

Go here to enter, and find out what you can win. There are probably rules there, too. There are always rules. Like the ten simple rules for fitting a sweater, about which I know nothing.

I’m going to the kitchen for a piece of cake.

–Franklin



Official contest rules

Franklin's book It Itches: A Stash of Knitting Cartoons is available online, or at your favorite local yarn shop. Learn more.

 



Sandi Wiseheart is the editor of Knitting Daily.

What's on Sandi's needles? Hm. I have run into an interesting adjustment issue in the Camisa…I am puzzling it out and will report shortly. Meanwhile, I finished a pair of socks for myself. I love socks. And I'm going to need lots of them here!

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