Lisa’s List: 10 Reasons Knitting Is Better Than A Boyfriend
OMG it’s Valentine’s week and NOBODY CARES. But lucky for you, I have a relevant list for the week. I am going to lay out 10 reasons that knitting is better than a boyfriend/girlfriend, but hidden in this post is a different list—the reasons that I adore solitude. Alone time. Picking my nose and talking to myself while knitting. Y’know, girl things.
Back in January, I blogged about a new relationship I was in and how knitting was a regular topic of conversation for us. Well, it’s February and that relationship is over. This is sad and I won’t deny that relationships have their perks, but I am LOVING the solitude. Why is my life so okay without a relationship? I give a lot of credit to my hobbies, including knitting.
Last week, I wrote about the power of hobbies in a pretty serious way. This week’s post is part joke and not many parts serious, but it’s based on the same idea: hobbies make us happy and give us richer lives. For me, solitude and hobbies give me a lot of contentment. I’m defensive of that contentment, because it is my center. It helps me move through a big and complex world and serve my family, my friends, my work, my employees, my sense of self. Relationships INTERRUPT life. In good ways and in ways that require compromise. This list is NOT ABOUT COMPROMISE, K?
And while we’re at it—this list is not actually about boyfriends or significant others of any particular gender. I’ve dated women and men and there’s not much difference in how they text or how they irreverently toss your knitting to the side when they sit down on the couch (“OMG Jane, don’t touch the knitting!”). This list is really about how PEOPLE act in relationships.
So without further ado, here are the 10 reasons knitting is better than a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
How to Love Being Single
10. Knitting doesn’t talk while you’re listening to a podcast. Instead, that repetitive cable pattern complements Planet Money perfectly; you don’t even have to refer to the chart anymore. Supply-side economics and global labor markets and Turkish yarn in your hands! Whoa girl.
9. You won’t get all nervous and try on 5 outfits and buy new makeup and commit to a regular leg-shaving routine for your knitting. Knitting loves you in your see-through Lululemons, just the way you are.
8. Knitting doesn’t try to get you to stay out for one more drink on a weeknight when you’re tired and you’re already over your calorie limit for the day. Instead, knitting says: Let’s go home and sit in that awesome overstuffed chair and drink LaCroix. Netflix and chill, y’know.
7. Knitting LOVES when you get up super early in the morning, brew the coffee, put on the news, and plop down for some stitchin. Or if you skip the stitchin and go for a morning run? Knitting loves that, too. Significant others? In my experience, they DESPISE mornings and they will try with all their might to dissuade you from your cheerful routine. Ultimately, they want to make you a night owl LIKE THEM (see #8). It’s a global non-knitter conspiracy.
6. Knitting doesn’t have jealousy issues. Sure, cast on a hat while you’re halfway through that lace cowl. Cowl DOES NOT HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT THIS.
5. Knitting doesn’t text you passive aggressive missives ending in LOL.
4. Knitting doesn’t text you at all. When you leave it in its basket and go about your life, it doesn’t need to know at all times that you still care about it and btw whaddaya wanna do for dinner? LOL.
3. Knitting doesn’t have an obsession with DINNER. Knitting doesn’t care what you feel like eating, where you want to go for dinner, should you order takeout, ugh we had pizza last week, I don’t feeeeeel like tofu; can we eat at your place… Knitting does not care and will never bring it up. Thanks, knitting.
2. Rather than fidgeting for 4 hours next to you on a flight to the east coast to visit your mother, knitting will actually ENTERTAIN you for the duration and will not say anything unpleasant about your family as it does so. But, the cutie in the next seat WILL use your knitting to break the ice and you’ll be forced to look full into the eyes of a gorgeous stranger and contemplate letting him say snarky things about your mother 6 months down the road. Thanks, knitting.
1. Knitting makes being alone AND being with other people more fun and more fulfilling. And it won’t mind when you do meet someone special and he wants a spot on the couch next to you. Just tell him to bring his own project.
Maybe you should date a whittler. Or a weaver. Date someone WHO HAS HOBBIES OF THEIR OWN. I think this is key. Out of the fiber crafts, weaving purportedly has the highest rate of male participation, so if you’re looking for a crafty fella, maybe you should take up weaving and see who you meet. Here, get started with this fun little kit. Or this one.
Yes, this IS the most efficient way to meet people and get dates.
And you know what? You’re gunna LOVE weaving. You won’t even have time for dates.
Gifts your boyfriend would buy you, if you had one.